I have a foul mouth. If you've read even part of any one of my blog postings, this information is not a surprise to you. I also have kids (obviously) which means there is a portion of time during which I have to edit myself more, so that I don't end up with toddlers running around asking people "what the fuck are you doing?".
Some people are horrified that I would cuss around any of my children, as if it's the worst thing I could do. My husband's ex-wife and the mother of his two oldest children is one of these people. I could make a long list of things she does wrong concerning her children, but I won't publicly front her out. Instead, let me just say that I'd have to make up some Eddie Murphy worthy cuss words just to match her bad parenting.
This is always an interesting argument to me, when other parents, aka people-who-think-they-know-everything mention that adults shouldn't say "foul words" around kids. I can't help but ask several questions:
#1 Who decided which words are considered "foul"?
#2 Aren't there other rules that apply to children yet don't apply to adults?
#3 If you answered yes to #2, why are children expected to refrain from doing other things that adults do, but can't even be present when their parents are using the predetermined "foul language"?
I mean, think about those questions and your own answers to them. Do they make sense?
My six year old daughter's school considers "butt" an inappropriate word in their setting so they use "bottom". In my house, butt is short for buttocks, which is the proper term for that thing you sit on during too many hours of the school day. Bottom is the underside of something, which for a human, is the soles of their feet. My kids are allowed to say "crap" though it's not allowed in many homes and many public places.
Then there's the issue about rules. My kids don't get to cross the street or go to the movies with an adult until they reach a certain age. I'm guessing that, even though the age at which you allow this for your children may differ from mine, you have these same rules in your home. There are tons of things kids can't do until they're older, or adults. I don't drink alcohol, but many adults do, and they don't necessarily do it out of sight of their offspring. Cursing is one of the few rules that seems to fall on the wrong end of the double standard spectrum.
See, this is the way my husband and I look at it: I don't let my kids use the words that are fairly universally frowned upon in this country until they are old enough to know how to restrict that usage to situations and settings where they won't get in trouble for it. For example, my 15 year old daughter is about to be told, for her sixteenth birthday, that she can start "swearing" now, if she wants. My seventeen and a half year old son did not get the same privilege. It's been less then a year since he was told he could use those kinds of words because he has less self control. He would have used that kind of language and gotten detention, or worse, in school and probably offended people out in public by letting his mouth run free. He eventually earned the right to use bad language without us punishing him.
Like I said, I do have to calm my mouth sometimes. While a four year old understands when you tell them they're not allowed to say certain words they heard mommy say, a two year old does not. And it is not my preference to offend my more prudish friends with my language, so just as I don't talk religion, or rather my distaste for it, with my catholic friends, nor do I say certain words around certain people. However, when I'm hanging out with close and like minded buddies, you might want to cover your ears!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Four letter word is a four letter word
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
The great school day vacation from parenting
If you don't homeschool your kids (which is just fine if that's what you want), you send them off to school at around age 5, for anywhere from 3-7 or more hours per day. If you're like a lot of selfish, shitty parents, you assume that everything happening to your child between those hours is not your problem.
Many of today's parents expect that their children will not just be educated in english (or some other language), math, science and perhaps a little social studies (and the arts, if they're REALLY lucky), but will also have their morality education needs met, along with being taught everything from wiping their little snotty noses to wiping their little filthy asses. However, all of this has to be done by people who aren't allowed to say "butt", can't teach your child about sex or orgasm or their period, nor give them a simple and loving hug without fear of someone accusing them of being a pervert. And heaven forbid a teacher discipline your child.
We hand our kids over to a system that we expect to do all of the parenting for us during school hours as well as much of the parenting that takes place during the child's time at home. We end up creating this vast and idiotic circle where schools feel the need to fill in the gaps that so many parents leave around their offspring and then more gaps form from the laziness that is the product of the schools filling in so many gaps. Its like one person standing at the edge of a sinkhole with a plastic spoon, trying to refill it, while it's still being created.
The average public school teacher, in the United States, makes around $40K a year. Not a very good salary for someone who is being entrusted with the education of our most important, moldable and easily influenced little minds. And yet, many parents expect those lowly paid individuals to not only care as much about their children as the parents pretend to, but also to educate them on everything they need to know to grow up and be productive adults without any assistance from the family they should be spending more time with. Many teachers not only spend their day following lesson plans and state rules on what your kid is supposed to learn, but also stay after school, offering their time, likely without pay, to make sure your youngster actually understands and grasps the material.
Too many parents act as if they should have no role in their child's education, even though almost as many will become perturbed with the school system for not teaching their child what they think they should be learning. Some parental units even act as if the sky is about to fall simply because their child might have work that has to be done outside of school hours. Even worse, apparently, is that the parent(s) might be expected to help if there is something the child does not understand. I've known a parent or two who think that having access to the teacher's email address means they should be able to expect a response any time day or night, school day or not, just in case there's something their child didn't responsibly pay attention to regarding their homework or an assigned project.
It's just not possible for kids to learn everything they need to know in the limited time they spend at school, even if they attend before or after school tutoring or Saturday school (where available). If you want your child to be prepared for college and/or the real world, you need to be prepared to step in and get involved with their education. Reading with your child, not just falsely signing a reading log that says you did, might be a difficult thing to fit into your schedule, but if you don't find a way, you're not putting your children's needs before your own. Don't understand math or science? Find a tutor, if your child isn't getting enough help from school. Most schools have contacts to refer you to of local college students or teachers who also tutor in their free time (ha ha) for rates as low as $10-20 per hour. For people on a strict budget (like us), this can be a stretch, but your child should be worth the effort and maybe just an hour or three over the course of a few weeks could be enough.
My point is this: not all teachers do their job well, not all students learn the way the school system is set up to teach them, not all that your kid needs to know to grow and be a productive, well mannered and helpful member of society is taught in schools.
Stop getting pissed off at the schools because your child refuses to behave him or herself in school and start figuring out what YOU can do to help. Stop making teachers feel like they can't touch your child in appropriate and loving ways, as long as the contact wasn't refused by the student (kids have a right to not want a hug from anyone). Start pushing your local school system to pay their staff better so that all the really good teachers end up at private schools. If you want your child to succeed in school and in life, realize that choosing not to homeschool and allowing your child to attend public or private school does not mean no schooling needs to occur at home. You are still your child's first and most important teacher. Good parenting does not allow for one to be lazy. So quit bitching about all the time you don't have and making your kid feel guilty for "bothering" you and start putting your child first-ALL THE TIME.
Many of today's parents expect that their children will not just be educated in english (or some other language), math, science and perhaps a little social studies (and the arts, if they're REALLY lucky), but will also have their morality education needs met, along with being taught everything from wiping their little snotty noses to wiping their little filthy asses. However, all of this has to be done by people who aren't allowed to say "butt", can't teach your child about sex or orgasm or their period, nor give them a simple and loving hug without fear of someone accusing them of being a pervert. And heaven forbid a teacher discipline your child.
We hand our kids over to a system that we expect to do all of the parenting for us during school hours as well as much of the parenting that takes place during the child's time at home. We end up creating this vast and idiotic circle where schools feel the need to fill in the gaps that so many parents leave around their offspring and then more gaps form from the laziness that is the product of the schools filling in so many gaps. Its like one person standing at the edge of a sinkhole with a plastic spoon, trying to refill it, while it's still being created.
The average public school teacher, in the United States, makes around $40K a year. Not a very good salary for someone who is being entrusted with the education of our most important, moldable and easily influenced little minds. And yet, many parents expect those lowly paid individuals to not only care as much about their children as the parents pretend to, but also to educate them on everything they need to know to grow up and be productive adults without any assistance from the family they should be spending more time with. Many teachers not only spend their day following lesson plans and state rules on what your kid is supposed to learn, but also stay after school, offering their time, likely without pay, to make sure your youngster actually understands and grasps the material.
Too many parents act as if they should have no role in their child's education, even though almost as many will become perturbed with the school system for not teaching their child what they think they should be learning. Some parental units even act as if the sky is about to fall simply because their child might have work that has to be done outside of school hours. Even worse, apparently, is that the parent(s) might be expected to help if there is something the child does not understand. I've known a parent or two who think that having access to the teacher's email address means they should be able to expect a response any time day or night, school day or not, just in case there's something their child didn't responsibly pay attention to regarding their homework or an assigned project.
It's just not possible for kids to learn everything they need to know in the limited time they spend at school, even if they attend before or after school tutoring or Saturday school (where available). If you want your child to be prepared for college and/or the real world, you need to be prepared to step in and get involved with their education. Reading with your child, not just falsely signing a reading log that says you did, might be a difficult thing to fit into your schedule, but if you don't find a way, you're not putting your children's needs before your own. Don't understand math or science? Find a tutor, if your child isn't getting enough help from school. Most schools have contacts to refer you to of local college students or teachers who also tutor in their free time (ha ha) for rates as low as $10-20 per hour. For people on a strict budget (like us), this can be a stretch, but your child should be worth the effort and maybe just an hour or three over the course of a few weeks could be enough.
My point is this: not all teachers do their job well, not all students learn the way the school system is set up to teach them, not all that your kid needs to know to grow and be a productive, well mannered and helpful member of society is taught in schools.
Stop getting pissed off at the schools because your child refuses to behave him or herself in school and start figuring out what YOU can do to help. Stop making teachers feel like they can't touch your child in appropriate and loving ways, as long as the contact wasn't refused by the student (kids have a right to not want a hug from anyone). Start pushing your local school system to pay their staff better so that all the really good teachers end up at private schools. If you want your child to succeed in school and in life, realize that choosing not to homeschool and allowing your child to attend public or private school does not mean no schooling needs to occur at home. You are still your child's first and most important teacher. Good parenting does not allow for one to be lazy. So quit bitching about all the time you don't have and making your kid feel guilty for "bothering" you and start putting your child first-ALL THE TIME.
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